Changemakers Confidential: Sylvia & Gavin

Real people. Real stories. Real change.

I have the distinct honor of being mama to two amazing humans: my daughter, Sylvia, and my son, Gavin. They are kind, funny, wicked smart, creative (I’m always amazed at what they can do with cardboard and a hot glue gun), and WAY more observant/insightful than I’m comfortable with at times.

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. You truly do see both the best and worst of yourself on any given day, and usually on the same day. I do my best to take these moments as an opportunity to pause, reflect, and say, “I’m sorry, I’ll work on it,” which usually has the awesome end benefit of a big hug and them saying to me, “It’s OK, Mom. I love you.” If only it were as simple and straightforward with adults! As someone who thought I wouldn’t be a good mom or even a mom at all (long story), it’s been a deeply gratifying experience to see the Universe give me a chance at this parenting thing, and - surprisingly - how much I’ve taken to it. I joke and say they’ve ruined me because I feel lost when they’re not around, yet it’s the best kind of lost because I get to be found everyday when they walk through the door from school, drop their stuff all over my calm, clean environment in a cacophony of noise, and the insistent, almost panicky, refrain of, “Mom!! Mom?? I need a snack!!”

When I told Sylvia and Gavin about starting Changemakers Confidential this year, the first thing they both asked was, “Can we be in it?” I hemmed and hawed a bit, because I wasn’t sure about putting my kids/their perspective out into the internet. But they, like their mama, are persistent, so I relented, and am happy to share with all of you, their change stories.

Sylvia: age: 12

What change do you want to talk about today, honey? Moving to Sunfish Lake.

OK…well…what happened? When did you move to Sunfish Lake? We moved in 2019. Before that, I lived in St. Paul - for my entire lifetime! That’s a big change!

What was it like when you found out when you were moving? Well, it was good that I could stay at my school and still see my friends. We moved to a forested place where we have a long way to walk anywhere. In our old place, we could walk down to the river and had multiple places close by like Izzy’s, Choo-Choo Bob’s, the library, or Snuffy’s. I really liked that.

Were you excited to move? What did you think about the house you were moving to? We lived in a smaller house in St. Paul; this house fit my idea of a mansion (it’s a wonder what having more than one bathroom can do)! Now that I’ve lived here for a while, it still looks big on the outside, but feels cozy on the inside. 

How did you feel when you started to pack/get ready to move? I got rid of some stuff, but it was sad to leave. I really liked our old house. I didn’t really want to leave. 

What did you like about moving? It was fun on the day we moved because lots of friends and family came over to help us. I saw the two dishwashers in our new house and thought, that’s impossible (folks: it’s as awesome as it sounds.)!

What do you miss about your old house/neighborhood? I miss going over to our old neighbors’ houses and being able to walk around the neighborhood. Having a bunch of cute stores near us.

What have you learned about yourself in change? Change is kinda hard. But if you get used to it, then it isn’t too bad. Embrace change. Don’t always think back on what happened; you can be sad, but don’t mope about it after the fact. It can make it harder to get used to the new place {situation}. What is it like being a kid in change? Well, when you’re a kid, you don’t get a say…at all. It’s like, we’re moving, and you’re gonna pack up and come with us because you have to. How do you feel about that, honey? I wish we got more of a say in it. 

Hmm. Well…what are some ways you can you have more say when change happens? What can you do? I can ask questions…talk about why. Make sure you’re nice about it because if you’re all rude, it makes it hard.

What do you think about change? I don’t like change, but I’m not afraid of it. I just take it and make the best of it. Try to look at the good things, instead of being all sad about it. You can be sad, but maybe talk about being sad with your family. Talk about the things you think are cool, or focus on the good things. Like Finnley (our family dog). Or having a trampoline in the back yard (note: both of these things may or may not have been used as bribes to soothe the transition to the new place).

Gavin: age 10

What change do you want to talk about, cute stuff? What are some big changes you’ve had to go through in your life of ten years on this planet? Hmm…well, probably moving. That wasn’t very fun. What happened? Well, we were chillin’ in our house (this is seriously how he opened it up), and then you talked about wanting more space, how we were all getting bigger, how you looked at houses, and then…we were moving. 

What was it like when you found out? Kindof excited and sad that we were leaving. It was a good fit (our old house). I was excited to go to a new place. “Meet” new people. Wait, how come you’re air-quoting that? We don’t know anyone here! And we knew everyone in our old place. That does sound tough. It is! But we’re having more people over now, so that makes it better. We can do Nerf gun wars, jump on the trampoline, and run around in the backyard.

What was sad about moving? I liked our old neighbors; we could go over to people’s houses. It was a calm neighborhood. It was hard to move away and not do National Night Out with our old neighbors anymore. I also liked the monkey pictures in my room. I had always been in that room, my whole entire life. It felt good. My room now is OK, but it doesn’t feel the same. It isn’t colorful/bright; it’s kindof drab…the whole house is painted gray and it just gets to be old (harsh, kid. Even though the effect is calming, IMO. And: he does have one wall painted black with glow-in-the-dark solar system/star stickers which is pretty cool, but now I just sound like I’m reaching…sigh). We had more colors in our old house and I liked it.

What did you learn about yourself going through that big change? Sometimes it’s good to go through change because it can help you understand things better, and make you have new experiences that you’ve never had before. What do you think about kids in change? Do they get much of a say? Well, I think it’s true that kids don’t get much say…I think it would be better if we were able to weigh in, helping decide that stuff. What have you learned about yourself in change? Sometimes I don’t like change, and I don’t really want things to change. But, you should always try something new. Don’t do the same old things over and over and over. 

One thing I’d like to add, to everyone who’s listening in the world out there (these are his words, verbatim): sometimes, you need to try something new. It can be good, it can be bad. But if it’s bad, you always tried something new, and that’s good.

I couldn’t have said it better myself. :) Thanks for reading, all!