Change Maven Musings: Who's Really in Charge Around Here?
Real stories. Real people. Real change.
Ever get the feeling that someone’s undermining you behind your back?
It’s rarely overt, of course. Someone’s way too smart for that, and they do a pretty good job of covering up their tracks. This feeling you’re getting crops up in subtle, barely noticeable ways at first, that you don’t pick up on, but then every once in a while, something strikes you as off. It’s a lack of eye contact, platitudes that ring hollow, obvious (virtual) multi-tasking when you or someone else is speaking. There’s enough breadcrumbs thrown your way that you shake it off (mostly) and think, naw…I’m sure it’s nothing. It was just (insert easy and ready excuse), and you go about your business.
But the vibe persists. Grows stronger, becomes harder to ignore.
And then, you have people coming to you and telling you it’s happening. Shit. They tell you that even though they feel empowered after they talk with you, these undermining someone’s undo decisions you make, discount discussions you had, to the point that people tell you they want to know what the real plan is so they can just do their job and not buy into the empowerment bullshit. Which it’s not and which you really believe in as a leader. Yet, it is, because many leaders don’t believe that empowerment is the goal (cue the platitudes from before).
Keeping people in their professional boxes is so much easier for someone’s, and they’re so much more able to cover their own asses when they remind people of why they - the someone’s - have to weigh in on everything, even if it comes out of nowhere or doesn’t accurately reflect the reality of the situation. Bonus points for these someone’s if they manage to create an aura of hero worship, where people are overly-grateful for any scrap of attention thrown their way, or a random and dispassionately-delivered word of recognition that ring as hollow as marriage vows on the day you sign the divorce decree.
These people who tell you the real deal are courageous m’effer’s because they’re breaking the code. They are either fed up, truly desire change or something better, or maybe have an agenda of their own, but the bravery in calling out sinister, known - yet - unspoken behavior is badass. These are the people I want to lead, that I want to advocate for, because they deserve a better way. I believe there is a better way.
So now what? Do I tackle the system head-on? Do I keep my head down? Do I work behind the scenes myself, play politics, influence to a better end? Do I leave and see if the next place is any better (it’s probably a 50-50 chance)? Do I have to accept that people are not inherently good, but are self-serving, underhanded, or waiting for you to fuck up so they can gloat behind your back, or worse yet, pounce on you in a vulnerable moment (back to the subtlety again)? I don’t really believe that because I choose to believe in the goodness of humans and in the abundance of the Universe around me…but it gets hard sometimes.
How do we survive the work jungles we all go to every day? How do we remember that we are fucking lions, and that lions don’t concern themselves with the opinions of sheep (still one of my all-time favorite quotes by an old co-worker of mine)? I really don’t have a strong sense of self-preservation, which makes me dangerous and unpredictable at times. I deeply believe that everything works out for a reason, in the exact way it’s meant to. And I’ll go along with things for a bit, try to stay open, give people the benefit of the doubt, get to know the lay of the land and figure out who my people are. And then I start to see things. Disconnects between words and deeds. Behaviors that I cannot believe happened or that I can tolerate. People confiding eff’ed up shit that’s happened to them (another act of bravery) and why they’re scared to go along with it, scared to say anything outside of “their lane.”
And then I get pissed. My sense of justice kicks up and sometimes, I call out the things in my articulate, determined, and always stylish way that can also come out of nowhere. And what of it? So what if I show up more like the lion that I truly am? A lion is the king of the jungle, for fuck’s sake.