Change Maven Musings: On Freedom and Committing Fully
Real stories. Real people. Real change.
Welcome to Changemakers Confidential, where we share real stories from real people on real change.
Most of us think that freedom means to keep our options open, to stay loose and available, and often that strategy does give you a little space temporarily. Eventually, though, keeping your options endlessly open becomes its own prison. You can never choose. You can never fall in love. You can never marry. You can never take the job. You can never really discover your destiny because you are afraid to commit fully. The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationships with Money and Life by Lynne Twist
The word commitment comes with a lot of baggage. We don’t see freedom as a loving and supportive partner to commitment; in fact, it’s often seen as the opposite: commitment is limiting, confining, and it sorely rankles our FOMO. If I choose one thing, what if I miss out on something else? Trying to keep all of our options open is an exhausting enterprise, and - per Lynne’s quote above - we don’t really experience the deep, soulful purpose and connection that we seek. How can we, when we’ve always got one foot out the door, constantly scanning the horizon for the next shiny, bright object?
I recently finished a book called The 12-Hour Walk: Invest One Day, Conquer Your Mind, and Unlock Your Best Life, by Colin O’Brady. Colin is an explorer badass, having completed the world’s first solo, unsupported, and fully human-powered crossing of Antartica, in addition to other human-powered feats of insanity, so he’s definitely someone who gets the importance of full commitment and how it helps you achieve what you thought was impossible. The premise of his book is centered on setting aside one day of our lives for a twelve-hour walk: completely solo, no talking, no technology (he put his phone in airplane mode), just you and your thoughts. He’s did this himself, and learned a lot by way of what his limiting beliefs were, what they had to teach him, and what he had to ultimately let go of in order to get quiet, go deep within, and discover his true purpose. Do any of these limiting beliefs sound familiar to you?
I’m not a… (entrepreneur, leader, relationship person, parent…fill in the blank)
I’m afraid of what people will say.
I’m afraid of failing.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t have enough time/money.
I don’t have what it takes.
Colin lists twelve limiting beliefs in his book, and I have to admit, I’ve seen an uncomfortable amount of these show up in my life. The idea, however, of taking the time to meet these limiting beliefs where they’ve shown up in our lives, to be curious about where they came from, and questioning if they’re even real/true for us is - while again, uncomfortable - absolutely transformational in terms of how we can choose to show up for ourselves and the world around us.
If you look back on the experience of freedom in your life, chances are that it wasn’t when you were measuring the options against one another, or making sure you weren’t getting stuck with a decision. It was when you were fully expressed, playing full out. It was when you chose fully and completely, when you knew you were in the place you were meant to be in, when perhaps you even felt a sense of destiny That’s when we’re free and self-expressed, and joyful or at peace with circumstances - when we choose them. From, The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationships with Money and Life by Lynne Twist
I’m not entirely sure when/how it started, but somehow - and very surreptitiously, over a period of years, me thinks - I have gotten myself into a hedge-your-bets mode. Is it in response to the uncertainty and ambiguity of living through a global pandemic? Is it being a parent? It is the rise of FOMO through what we see posted constantly on social media? Is it an attention-deficit thing? Is it just me???
If I’m being honest, it’s probably a mixture of all of that, in addition to things I’ve yet to discover about myself and experience in my life. The approach of “staying in your lane,” has appeal and anathema to me. Appealing because, truthfully folks, girlfriend’s tired. Part of what I learned from my summer of rest and renewal (I’ll write about that in a future update), was how I had too many balls in the air. Even though I’m a pretty good juggler, a few of them were starting to fall to the ground, and the weirdest thing was…I was totally OK with it. I was OK with having less balls to handle (aren’t we all, ladies?). I’m still juggling a fair amount today - that’s life - but I’m seeing the balls more clearly for what they are. Seeing which ones I want to keep in the air, which ones give me energy, which others I want to set down. It’s a major mindset shift for me, because I don’t like to let things go when I’m determined to make them work. I have spent decades of my life determined to make certain things work that just needed to fall to the ground. I’m a work in progress.
Today, I’m determined to keep my eyes, my ears, and my Knowing open and curious, so I’m able to discern where I must commit fully in my life. As I go through the arduous work of examining my own limiting beliefs (the ones listed above may have been the ones from Colin’s list that resonated the most for me…maybe) and seeing how they’ve held me back from stepping into the fullest expression of me, and from just writing that shit down (J, I’m talking to you!), I’m seeing the path of full commitment unfold for me, as I am, as I need it to be today. I’m also seeing where the way is littered with mindsets, beliefs, opportunities, and relationships that I have to step over and around so I can stay focused on where I must fully commit, which leads to where I can truly be free.
I plan to do my own 12-hour walk before the end of the year (MN peeps, I’m thinking about a portion of the Superior Hiking Trail), and the question I plan to contemplate is, where in my life - today - can I fully commit? I’ll report back on how it went, and in the meantime, will share resources below to get you thinking/started on your own 12-hour walk. Thanks, all, for reading this week!
Your change maven extraordinaire,
Kristina
Books:
The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationships with Money and Life by Lynne Twist
The 12-Hour Walk: Invest One Day, Conquer Your Mind, and Unlock Your Best Life, Colin O’Brady
Web:
Colin’s website for the 12-hour walk: https://12hourwalk.com/
Another Colin website that challenges us to climb an equivalent distance to climbing Mt. Everest: https://29029everesting.com/ - I’m contemplating this in 2023…let me know if you’d like to do it together!
Social:
@colinobrady - Colin O’Brady, 12-Hour Walk
@29029everesting - climb the equivalent of Mt. Everest!
@lynnetwist - Lynne Twist, Soul of Money
@8limbedleader - me! :)